swagger :- the confidence exuded as a reflection of ones dress, shoe game, attitude, and how one handles a situation.
A person's style- they way they walk, talk, dress.
You can learn how to dress
just by jocking my fresh
Jocking jocking my fresh
Jocking jocking my fresh
Follow my steps, it's the road to success
Where the niggas know you thorough
And the girls say yes
But I can't teach you my swag
You can pay for school but you can't buy class
School of hard knocks I'm a grad
And that all-blue Yankee is my graduation cap
Jay-z/Swagger like us
April 27, 2009
April 23, 2009
Do you remember?
You brought me dreams, made me ready to touch the sky.
We laughed, we talked, we shared & we dreamt, together.
Do you still remember?
You nestled me under your watchful eye 2 years ago.
How we made plans & did double-back trips, not realizing the time.
We'd catch the most ridiculous Chinese movie, only because we both enjoyed it.
Time flies.
But it only seem like it was yesterday.
xx
Ps. This person is an excellente writer which I'd like to recommend. This piece, although short, is sweet and concise. It points out the diminutive factors of the failures in a relationship and the also pins the plus side of a relationship. Great piece. Do have a read.
xx
PARTNERS & MARRIAGE
Eduardo Calasanz was a student at the Ateneo de Manila University,Philippines, where he had Father Ferriols as professor. Father Ferriols, at that time, was the Philosophy department head.
Currently he still teaches Philosophy for graduating college students in Ateneo. Father Ferriols has been very popular for his mind opening and enriching classes but was also notorious for the grades he gives. Still people took his classes for the learning and deep insight they take home with them everyday (if only they could do something about the grades...)
Anyway, come grade giving time, (Ateneo has letter grading systems, the highest being an A, lowest at D, with F for flunk), Fr Ferriols had this long discussion with the registrar people because he wanted to giveCalasanz an A+. Either that or he doesn't teach at all...Calasanz got his A+. Read the paper below to find out why.
PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE
By Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz
I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.
When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability,or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.
And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the others habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?
The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages. Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side.
This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.
The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.
This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell ofyour sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each others company over the long term.
If your laughter together is good and healthy and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.
Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.
After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.
Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.
There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny.
If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.
So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation.
Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.
Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed. We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter.
But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presence, two separate consciousness come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one.
There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers.. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken is somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains. But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.
So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers willbloom...endlessly.
We laughed, we talked, we shared & we dreamt, together.
Do you still remember?
You nestled me under your watchful eye 2 years ago.
How we made plans & did double-back trips, not realizing the time.
We'd catch the most ridiculous Chinese movie, only because we both enjoyed it.
Time flies.
But it only seem like it was yesterday.
xx
Ps. This person is an excellente writer which I'd like to recommend. This piece, although short, is sweet and concise. It points out the diminutive factors of the failures in a relationship and the also pins the plus side of a relationship. Great piece. Do have a read.
xx
PARTNERS & MARRIAGE
Eduardo Calasanz was a student at the Ateneo de Manila University,Philippines, where he had Father Ferriols as professor. Father Ferriols, at that time, was the Philosophy department head.
Currently he still teaches Philosophy for graduating college students in Ateneo. Father Ferriols has been very popular for his mind opening and enriching classes but was also notorious for the grades he gives. Still people took his classes for the learning and deep insight they take home with them everyday (if only they could do something about the grades...)
Anyway, come grade giving time, (Ateneo has letter grading systems, the highest being an A, lowest at D, with F for flunk), Fr Ferriols had this long discussion with the registrar people because he wanted to giveCalasanz an A+. Either that or he doesn't teach at all...Calasanz got his A+. Read the paper below to find out why.
PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE
By Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz
I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.
When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability,or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.
And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the others habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?
The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages. Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side.
This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.
The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.
This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell ofyour sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each others company over the long term.
If your laughter together is good and healthy and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.
Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.
After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.
Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.
There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny.
If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.
So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation.
Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.
Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed. We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter.
But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presence, two separate consciousness come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one.
There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers.. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken is somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains. But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.
So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers willbloom...endlessly.
April 22, 2009
bestie
My bestest friend in all entirety,
You are irrestibly hot, swarm in a mountainous sea of white.
When we met eons ago, i knew this would be the beginning of a fruitful relationship.
What i didn't know was that the sealords & the skylarks did not want to see us happy.
Somehow, we stopped meeting, stopped communicating, stopped everything.
I totally forgot about you and left you to bask in your glory.
We meet a year later, purely by chance.
You in the pavillion food court while I, I was merely a passerby.
You glistened from afar.
I couldn't stop talking about you.
Promise we will never part.
We shall conquer the oceanics one day at a time.
Don't be dishearten by your failures.
Those battle scars give you definition.
I promise.
You are the one who gives me deep strength & the drive to conquer my enigmatic life.
I on the otherhand, I am and will always be that animated character.
I love you, my dearest tau foo fah.
You are most excellent with a little bit of ginger x gula melaka.
See you in a couple of months!
xxes and ohes,
steph.
You are irrestibly hot, swarm in a mountainous sea of white.
When we met eons ago, i knew this would be the beginning of a fruitful relationship.
What i didn't know was that the sealords & the skylarks did not want to see us happy.
Somehow, we stopped meeting, stopped communicating, stopped everything.
I totally forgot about you and left you to bask in your glory.
We meet a year later, purely by chance.
You in the pavillion food court while I, I was merely a passerby.
You glistened from afar.
I couldn't stop talking about you.
Promise we will never part.
We shall conquer the oceanics one day at a time.
Don't be dishearten by your failures.
Those battle scars give you definition.
I promise.
You are the one who gives me deep strength & the drive to conquer my enigmatic life.
I on the otherhand, I am and will always be that animated character.
I love you, my dearest tau foo fah.
You are most excellent with a little bit of ginger x gula melaka.
See you in a couple of months!
xxes and ohes,
steph.
April 20, 2009
on the radar
hellox2. easter brekkie is over.
i had a good run for my money.
on the radar was,
1. rock climbing
*no pictures cz i left my bag in the car & was crazily scaling walls to care
(i did 4 walls)
2. shopping -i am a sucker for all things cheap
bought x1 pair of shoes only $40!
bought x2 leggings x2 for $25 (cz my old ones are on the verge of breaking)
*unfortunately i couldn't convince the boy they were a necessity.
bought x1 fake fur vest $12 (best buy of the century)
bought x1 grey bf blazer (BUT I RETURNED IT -cz it was too big) blah lah.
3. out & about/feed me like crazy session/friends
wayne was down for the easter weekend-showed him around the casino
rachel & darren came down for the easter brekkie.
richmond for some pho, korean at white tomato, grecos apple crumble, thai at ghin khao
late night gallery pasta special
*i did not get jibbed (inside joke)
love the space (& all things black&white)
crazy difficult to get a traffic standstill to capture this shot.
the dude upgraded himself since 4 years ago.
impressive
4. sewing/cleaning/hard rubbish day
well i started this eons ago & have been going on about it for ages now.
i got the slits in place finally & it all went downhill from there.
started cleaning about 2 days ago.
i think i did pretty well considering that its been 2 weeks since its been done.
i mean..HOW does a toiletbowl get so fxxx nasty??
lastly, im throwing out x1 cooler + x1 china make exercise machine in may.
6. movies/games
watched knowing -good storyline but terrible ending
caught fast & furious with ray 2 days ago.
got into fieldrunner + mafia wars (last night)
next on list, the ugly truth & monsters vs aliens.
uni officially starts again today.
& its time to start the uber exciting ahhsighments. (which are due in 2 weeks time)
i did a lil bit of calcs and realized this.
x7 days x2 weeks = 14 days per week,
x2 days x work = 2 days x no time
x1 days x uni (full day) = 2 days x no time
x3 days x uni (pt day) = 1 1/2 days x no time
2 days + 2 days + 1 1/2 days = 5 1/2 days x no time
per 2 weeks 5 1/2 days no time x 2 weeks = 11 days no time
14 days - 11 days no time = 3 days full time
leaving me a measly 3 full days of assignment time.
how pathetic.
xx
i shall leave you with a picture of ray, pigging out.
we order a x2 mix platter @ docklands
x1 seafood, x1 meat
x2 merlot
as you can see, he loved it.
as for me, i was too pink to feel fat & unappreciated.
heading back to reality now.
ta xoxo
i had a good run for my money.
on the radar was,
1. rock climbing
*no pictures cz i left my bag in the car & was crazily scaling walls to care
(i did 4 walls)
2. shopping -i am a sucker for all things cheap
bought x1 pair of shoes only $40!
bought x2 leggings x2 for $25 (cz my old ones are on the verge of breaking)
*unfortunately i couldn't convince the boy they were a necessity.
bought x1 fake fur vest $12 (best buy of the century)
bought x1 grey bf blazer (BUT I RETURNED IT -cz it was too big) blah lah.
3. out & about/feed me like crazy session/friends
wayne was down for the easter weekend-showed him around the casino
rachel & darren came down for the easter brekkie.
richmond for some pho, korean at white tomato, grecos apple crumble, thai at ghin khao
late night gallery pasta special
*i did not get jibbed (inside joke)
love the space (& all things black&white)
crazy difficult to get a traffic standstill to capture this shot.
the dude upgraded himself since 4 years ago.
impressive
4. sewing/cleaning/hard rubbish day
well i started this eons ago & have been going on about it for ages now.
i got the slits in place finally & it all went downhill from there.
started cleaning about 2 days ago.
i think i did pretty well considering that its been 2 weeks since its been done.
i mean..HOW does a toiletbowl get so fxxx nasty??
lastly, im throwing out x1 cooler + x1 china make exercise machine in may.
6. movies/games
watched knowing -good storyline but terrible ending
caught fast & furious with ray 2 days ago.
got into fieldrunner + mafia wars (last night)
next on list, the ugly truth & monsters vs aliens.
uni officially starts again today.
& its time to start the uber exciting ahhsighments. (which are due in 2 weeks time)
i did a lil bit of calcs and realized this.
x7 days x2 weeks = 14 days per week,
x2 days x work = 2 days x no time
x1 days x uni (full day) = 2 days x no time
x3 days x uni (pt day) = 1 1/2 days x no time
2 days + 2 days + 1 1/2 days = 5 1/2 days x no time
per 2 weeks 5 1/2 days no time x 2 weeks = 11 days no time
14 days - 11 days no time = 3 days full time
leaving me a measly 3 full days of assignment time.
how pathetic.
xx
i shall leave you with a picture of ray, pigging out.
we order a x2 mix platter @ docklands
x1 seafood, x1 meat
x2 merlot
as you can see, he loved it.
as for me, i was too pink to feel fat & unappreciated.
heading back to reality now.
ta xoxo
April 13, 2009
Closer.
"feels so good but I'm old, 2000 years of chasing's taking it's toll." -Kings of Leon
5 years ago, I spurred a mini blogging spree to trap and entail my guilty pleasures/life journeys and other interesting factors which became a part of my life. I made lists -lists after lists, I spun a web around my life and the challenges I faced just trying to find comfort in whatever I could hold on to. Those challenges turned into an obsession. I tried to "fix" what could not be fixed. Perhaps there wasn't any wrong with the way things were to begin with. This hypermania. I took the mickey out of life. Things spun out of control, I lost my footing/consciousness towards my surroundings. Was I always like this? What is these factors which made me the "me" today? Did I change myself to fit into this society, a society so emotionally challenged I blinded myself, not because I wanted to but because I felt I had no options left but to constantly explain the wretched situation I managed to trap myself in. I constantly question "god's plan", asking him why me, why always me? Emotionally spend, I spent my days worrying about trivial things which could be easily resolved. Was it me? Did I make myself blind? It must have be me.
xx
Eventually as years went by, I wrote less and less, not because there wasn't a thing left to write. I just grew tired, tired of having to constantly connect those words into continuous lines of expression, trying to make them appear at the very least, verbally coherent. But it was a mistake, those lines of conversations. Nobody could understand them or so I thought nobody understood. Were you going through the same moments? You must have, I suppose. This continuous passage down the lonely road left no room for error. It turned me raw, created deep gashes in my writing, my expressions, my life -those things I held on dearly to, my "works of art". I didn't have any energy left in me to recalls those vivid visuals and subject them to a doc. No, that would have been just cruel. There are no formulas to these sort of things. I once made up my mind, it must have been that. I was a product of my own mistake, frazzled and always dying to know what was going to happen next. What went wrong when? I had big dreams, I wanted to change the world. Were the cuts so deep? Were the lines so challenged? It must have been me.
xx
5 years later, I find myself returning back to the very same place I buried all this emotionally spent anger. Anger which I could not hold on to for long periods of time because it only caused excessive amounts of emotional entrapment and abundance of pain. Yet today, I find myself, going down that very list I made 5 years prior, marking and unmarking the same boxes. Im going back, back to where i started. I find myself still the same, confused and opinionated about life as ever, constantly trying to find answers to explain those questions which maybe to my unfortunate disbelief? don't come with answers. But every question comes with an answer right? Wasn't that god's great plan? -to find answers. Isn't this what we call life? Ah, life. The beauty wrought around uncertainties, trials and tribulations, the only question which comes to my mind is, "When is it going to/does it ever end?" I'm tired. Once again, I find myself emotionally spent, having lesser opportunity to make use of my vocabulary to capture my journey. Why? -because it always ends up the same, unchanged, unmoved. It must have been me.
xx
April 11, 2009
random
pariah.
poodle driver, after 6
lust buy/wish list
shadow
ikea, love the decal
spiritual enlightment
flower show
ray lilium."Voici mon secret. Il est très simple: on ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux"
April 5, 2009
i saw it first.
hawaiianas
bardot
amazonIm gonna have you, like dinner on a platter.
out to lunch
xoxo
April 2, 2009
get the message.
you know who is fucking pathetic?
YOU, StXXXX.
YOU, the one who has been calling me, harassing me for about over a week now.
STOP CALLING ME.
GET THE FUCKING MSG.
you are truly a work of art.
to think i tried to be nice to you.
After harassing me for the past weeks, i said,
"Stop fucking calling me and annoying me.
WTF is your problem? I'm busy. FUCK!"
to which you replied, "What? Who call you?"
YOU FUCKING THINK IM 12 ISIT CHIBAI FKER?!?!?
YOU THINK YOU ARE SO FUNNY ISIT?
Seriously, you are just pathetic.
FUCK OFF OKAY.
You know you fucking did it.
Fucking cheapskate.
Cant even own up to what you did.
I HAVE THE CALLS REGISTERED RIGHT HERE ON MY FUCKING PHONE!
Yes thats right.
H-A-R-A-S-S-M-E-N-T.
Think you can hide your number so I wont see?!?!
You are really P-A-T-H-E-T-H-I-C
If you have SO MANY FUCKING LOVERS who likes you yadayada, wants to have sex with you etcetc, I CANT BE FUCKED TO KNOW.
GET OVER YOURSELF.
fucking bragging in my face when you are NOT even some hot shit.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?!?!
i know you are reading this.
so, FUCK OFF!
seriously. you are testing my patience.
with all my love,
xoxo
YOU, StXXXX.
YOU, the one who has been calling me, harassing me for about over a week now.
STOP CALLING ME.
GET THE FUCKING MSG.
you are truly a work of art.
to think i tried to be nice to you.
After harassing me for the past weeks, i said,
"Stop fucking calling me and annoying me.
WTF is your problem? I'm busy. FUCK!"
to which you replied, "What? Who call you?"
YOU FUCKING THINK IM 12 ISIT CHIBAI FKER?!?!?
YOU THINK YOU ARE SO FUNNY ISIT?
Seriously, you are just pathetic.
FUCK OFF OKAY.
You know you fucking did it.
Fucking cheapskate.
Cant even own up to what you did.
I HAVE THE CALLS REGISTERED RIGHT HERE ON MY FUCKING PHONE!
Yes thats right.
H-A-R-A-S-S-M-E-N-T.
Think you can hide your number so I wont see?!?!
You are really P-A-T-H-E-T-H-I-C
If you have SO MANY FUCKING LOVERS who likes you yadayada, wants to have sex with you etcetc, I CANT BE FUCKED TO KNOW.
GET OVER YOURSELF.
fucking bragging in my face when you are NOT even some hot shit.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?!?!
i know you are reading this.
so, FUCK OFF!
AND TO ANOTHER YOU,
quite frankly, i had enough of your shit too.
seriously. you are testing my patience.
with all my love,
xoxo
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