i think as we age, we start to build up a retaining wall to protect ourselves and our feelings because of the pain and sufferings we go through. And as we go through this journey, the wall just gets higher and higher because we built ourselves that way. Until there comes a day where you never let anyone in and maybe its because we got too scared or we had too much pride but that really doesnt matter because the outcome for both scenarios will always be the same. let your pride down go once in a while, put your guard down. you'll be amazed at what you find. good guys finish last? well, let me tell you, nice girls finish last too.
im still finding the travel a bit of a journey =/
after izakaya/hot chocolate. i am -2 calories over sigh.
March 30, 2011
March 28, 2011
curiousity killed the cat!
ive managed to drag my sorry ass out of the little dark place. it was fun while it lasted..oh wellz. time to move forward.
ive got couple envy, some of you might be thinking -what is she going on about. Well, interestingly enough (you actually manage to learn something from lectures when you attend!) So anyway my lecturer was talking about question envy -simple analogy which she gave, you choose one question but decide you dont like it and attempt the next one and regret after thinking you should have done the first question and the sick cycle repeats on and on again. totally irrelevant i know but well, ive got couple envy. in this context, i just envy couples who have lasted for a decade. i really want to lick your shoes, metaphorically (please not literally.)
anyway ive been reflecting alot lately on my life, the past, the present and the future. i think my time is not now (time is too short anyway) so i just want to concerntrate on the issues at hand ie. uni/life/school/work etc and worry about the things which come later one step at a time -although i must admit i have been reflecting on the past, curious about the what ifs. but ive told myself that curiousity killed the cat and i do not want to be that smeared cat. -id rather be the mouse, unfortunately ):
ps. my body is aching so much from the over streneous weekend...im trying to challenge myself with the my fitness pal. its pretty awesome because its a calorie counter, just what i need (very handy) esp with 3g/wifi etc. apparently by 2nd may i will be 40 kgs. without any work done mind you. isnt that strange? thats like in 35 days. i just want to see how this thingie works. besides it'd be really cool if i actually get to see the other side of the rainbow. well whatever, im still eating as per normal so well shall see how things go.
back to my books!
ive got couple envy, some of you might be thinking -what is she going on about. Well, interestingly enough (you actually manage to learn something from lectures when you attend!) So anyway my lecturer was talking about question envy -simple analogy which she gave, you choose one question but decide you dont like it and attempt the next one and regret after thinking you should have done the first question and the sick cycle repeats on and on again. totally irrelevant i know but well, ive got couple envy. in this context, i just envy couples who have lasted for a decade. i really want to lick your shoes, metaphorically (please not literally.)
anyway ive been reflecting alot lately on my life, the past, the present and the future. i think my time is not now (time is too short anyway) so i just want to concerntrate on the issues at hand ie. uni/life/school/work etc and worry about the things which come later one step at a time -although i must admit i have been reflecting on the past, curious about the what ifs. but ive told myself that curiousity killed the cat and i do not want to be that smeared cat. -id rather be the mouse, unfortunately ):
ps. my body is aching so much from the over streneous weekend...im trying to challenge myself with the my fitness pal. its pretty awesome because its a calorie counter, just what i need (very handy) esp with 3g/wifi etc. apparently by 2nd may i will be 40 kgs. without any work done mind you. isnt that strange? thats like in 35 days. i just want to see how this thingie works. besides it'd be really cool if i actually get to see the other side of the rainbow. well whatever, im still eating as per normal so well shall see how things go.
back to my books!
March 25, 2011
March 22, 2011
how?
well, im hurt but thats when i realize even robots have feelings too. No matter how tired, no matter how strong, no matter how sad, and no matter how much i choose to put a mental block into my head, focusing on 'the vision'. The images sometimes reappears, the feelings sometimes come back and the tiredness most often disappears. The vision blurs and the books strain my eyes. i try to stay focused but slowly and surely i end up with the same feeling again.
and tomorrow is a new day. strange how repetitive life is innit?
and tomorrow is a new day. strange how repetitive life is innit?
March 20, 2011
ideas
so my weekend turned out very interesting.
friday, all i wanted was to hurl up in my bed but i went out had fun, my head spinning at 5, drunk call
sat, woke up feeling like shit, worked like a zombie, never felt this exhausted in my life, had my lunch break at 2 and made about 2xxx, came home and slept like a baby
sun, woke up at 7, still groggy but managed, went on a roadtrip/for a morning walk then yum cha and my first time @ karrens/greenborough shopping centre.
right now lying in my bed feeling emotionally and physically spent.
im in between feelings at the moment -could really use some sleep.
friday, all i wanted was to hurl up in my bed but i went out had fun, my head spinning at 5, drunk call
sat, woke up feeling like shit, worked like a zombie, never felt this exhausted in my life, had my lunch break at 2 and made about 2xxx, came home and slept like a baby
sun, woke up at 7, still groggy but managed, went on a roadtrip/for a morning walk then yum cha and my first time @ karrens/greenborough shopping centre.
right now lying in my bed feeling emotionally and physically spent.
im in between feelings at the moment -could really use some sleep.
March 15, 2011
not feeling 100%
i will remember today as the day you chose work over me and those words which you said that cut like glass. i will never be so foolish again.
lack of communication here.
i heard some very bad news yesterday. i know word of mouth can be misconstrued or perhaps it was the truth but only said out of anger. whatever the reason, it made me feel 10 million different kinds of emotions, not the good sort but the ones which make you want to crawl into bed, cry then sleep for a very long time. its worse than a constellation of f-ed up nightmares put together. i thought i was safe.
March 10, 2011
time
dissapointment is one of those inexplanable emotional attachment a person goes through during a difficult period of time. also expect a large amount of frustration. this, is how i have been feeling in the last 2 months. my expectations have not been met. and strangely enough i ask only for one thing, that is time. apparently in today's society time is not an affordable real property. one must own time yet time cannot be own. time can be made but yet time might not be on your side. one bad situation after another bad situation has led to a series of unfortunate events. i am dissapointed. i am frustrated. however, i am more determined than ever knowing that one day i will find what i am looking for, something greater, beyond my expectation. similar expectations, similar goals and dreams, similar outlook on life, similarity as i understand now is key.
Happy 2011, cherish every waking moment because you might not live to see the next.
Happy 2011, cherish every waking moment because you might not live to see the next.
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