deflated balloon & alone in love.

Remember I mentioned I was watching a bundle of soaps..well, this is a great tear jerker.
However, this would my last leg for the year. Why?
1. El holiday days are coming to an end.
2. My result will be smsed shortly.
3. I should be busy after tomorrow.
4. I gotta hit the gym.

Some jumble:-

I'm still having trouble finding lines. Lines where things are certain, can be certain, i can make certain and those which are uncertain. How do we differenciate certainty from uncertainty. My bias mind always leads me back to the same ol same ol. Old habits die hard ey?

In retrospect, my maturity level is no where near where I'd like/thought it would/could be. Needless to say, there is still much to learn, honey. Somedays are good, some, not too...others are just downright terrible.

The sibling calls this, "The walk of life".

What I can be sure of is that I am a very intuitive person. I love feelings, I love fuzzy.
There are times when people feel particularly lonely ey? Hell, I'm lonely but not your ordinary lonely. It's the loneliness within, like a cold piece of pizza left out on the table. (excuse the analogy) You know, the kind when you walk out the door having to plaster a shiny smile on your face; or wake up on the wrong side of your bed hoping to make the best out of your day; even when the pessimistic side knows for certain things will not go well today, tomorrow and the days after.

The other thing I'm sure of is that I am a control freak aka perfectionist. If something falls out of place or not heading in the right direction, I become x1 OCD/ADD victim and I try at very best to control every every thing around me eg. vacuum in abundance, cook in excess, clean like superwoman which makes me seem to be the best housewife...Speaking of which, I could get job as a domestic cleaner. Just give the woman a cookie, a couple of head spinning problems and she's off to win the race. Woot~

In reality though, while the outside is all pretty and clean, the inside is crumbling slowly. It's just not healthy. And it bugs me -everywakingsecond, no, every waking nano-second it bugs me. I'm empty, but why am I empty? Perhaps my feelings are playing where's waldo with me. One day I want to wake up feeling happy, happy to be 100% me, no more, no less, just me.
Then I may just feel like a mchappy (;

Happy stems from within, so what's missing?
x1 inflated balloon
x1 infallable thoughts
x1 ability to control currency (Yes, you heard me right. How to get rich ha?)
x1 to be free

To be free is certainly to be happy.

And to make my words resonate, I shall head to the gym tomorrow.
Off to watch my last leg.
xx